Has becoming a parent left your relationship feeling frazzled? These expert tips will help bring you together again
Having a baby can put a lot of pressure on a relationship. If it feels as though you're closer to the staff at your local soft play than your other half right now, we're here to help you restore the romance – one night feed at a time...
1. Enjoy a daytime date
‘Date night’ is challenging in the first months of motherhood. The cost of a babysitter, digging through your wardrobe for an outfit that doesn't include leggings, then keeping your eyes open past 8.37pm can be a recipe for stress, not romance.
But don’t give up on 'you' time as a couple. Instead, follow Stacey Solomon and embrace the daytime date. The presenter and her husband Joe Swash opted for an afternoon out for their first taste of romance after the birth of their baby daughter.
“Yes, Rose came with us on date night,” said Stacey on Instagram (@staceysolomon). “I haven’t mastered the art of expressing yet (it’s such a skill) and also I don’t want to leave her yet, but I do want to leave the bedroom!”
For a daytime date you could pop to your local garden centre cafe or go for a picnic in the park when the weather warms up. ASDA's picnic and grazing selection offers goodies from around the world with no prep required.
2. Chill out with a film night in
Once baby is asleep, flopping onto the sofa and scrolling through your phones in silence is tempting, but it pays to make an occasion out of your precious evening now and then.
Eating at the table with your partner is a great way to bond, and ASDA’s meal deals are faff-free and won't break the bank. You could even light a candle and turn your phones off, to give undivided attention to your other half.
Even if you can’t get through a whole film without nodding off, and you’ve switched those slinky PJs for some cosy loungewear, setting aside some time to enjoy each other's company can be the romantic restart you need.
3. Try something new together
Psychology buffs have found that couples who spend time doing 'new and exciting activities' together are more satisfied with their relationships.
Forget abseiling down a mountain or throwing yourself out of a plane 'I’m a Celebrity' style; let’s face it, when you’re bringing up a baby the smallest activities can feel like the wildest adventures.
Whether it's taking your child for his first swim together or watching him make his debut in the park sandpit, sharing the highs and the lows (hello, public poo explosion) can provide a bonding experience and make you feel like a true team again.
4. Have a proper conversation
When your mind is whirring with thoughts of the washing pile and whether you need to put baby in a thicker sleeping bag, it can be easy to hear your partner but not actually ‘listen’. Just putting aside 10 minutes a day to properly communicate with each other can make all the difference when it comes to reconnecting, ensuring resentment doesn't build up.
Psychologist Dr Emma Svanberg (@mumologist) explains: "Few couples sit down and really discuss who is responsible for what – from nappy changes and feeding to finances and what you're going to do at 3am if you haven't been able to soothe the baby for two hours. Often people think that these things should just "work" and if they don't, we feel there's something wrong with us as a couple, which isn't true."
5. Be kind to each other
When you and your partner are like ships that pass in the night, even the smallest acts of kindness can be meaningful. Simply re-packing the changing bag for them, leaving a tea bag in a mug by the kettle or popping a hot water bottle on their side of the bed – when they're in the full throes of the 2am nappy change – are lovely gestures during the babyhood fog.
And for the single parents out there? Your relationships deserve attention, too. If you’re struggling to get childcare help, why not make use of FaceTime or Zoom to catch up with friends and family. Having a face-to-face chat is the next best thing to meeting in person and can be a valuable way to reconnect with old mates while your baby sleeps.
And finally…
If you're still struggling with the toll on your relationship, check out Relate and Click Relationships. Both are confidential counselling services, recommended by the NHS.
