Strap in, expectant dads! Rob Kemp’s witty insights will help you navigate the next nine months with confidence
Most pregnancies last around 40 weeks. Like any major project that will be stressful but worth the effort, ‘Project Pregnancy’ can be broken down into more manageable chunks.
For your partner, this trimester involves symptoms such as morning sickness, sore breasts, cramping and mood swings. She may also feel anxious – especially as the risk of miscarriage is at its highest during this time – so I’d recommend brushing up on your empathy and nurturing skills. Make her some ginger tea, run her a bubble bath, and then scrub the kitchen till it gleams while she has a relaxing soak. She deserves it.
Your other half may start craving certain foods at this stage, too. Be prepared for late-night mercy dashes to bring home onion bhajis, Magnum ice cream bars or, er, coal*.
The first trimester culminates in a milestone moment: the 12-week scan! As a dad or partner, you have the right to unpaid time off work to go to two antenatal appointments, and this is a great one to attend.
Your baby may not have your hair, eyes, or paunch yet, but you’ll get to see them wriggling on the screen and hear their little heartbeat. It’s the perfect time to share the thrilling news.
*Note: don’t feed a pregnant woman coal. It has no nutritional value, it blackens the teeth, and we’re trying to get away from fossil fuels.
Second trimester: weeks 13-27
Regular appointments, including check-ups, blood tests and scans, will continue for your partner until birth. Some can trigger new worries – especially the tests to detect serious birth conditions.
For expectant dads, it’s a case of maintaining that supportive role with your partner – and starting to bond with your baby. Yep, you read that right: you can bond with your unborn child. During this stage, the embryo develops key senses. It can even recognise certain noises outside the womb – like your voices, the Hoover, and the Strictly Come Dancing theme tune.
Start talking to your partner’s belly and get ready for another glimpse of your baby at the 20-week scan. This scan checks for physical anomalies, so be there with your partner if you can. You may also discover whether you’re having a girl or a boy. Knowing your baby’s sex can take away some of the surprise – but you’ll be able to sort the gender-reveal smoke bomb and decide on ‘Alfie’ or ‘Amelia’ before your pregnant friends do.
All being well, this is when the reality of fatherhood begins to hit home. Be on hand to comfort your other half as she starts experiencing back pains, indigestion, heartburn and swollen ankles and feet.
On the upside she might be feeling quite frisky too – due to pregnancy hormones or increased blood flow to the pelvic area.
You can also contribute to the birth plan. It’s fine to discuss where your baby will be born, the birthing playlist, who to tell first, and how you’ll bring the baby home. But when it comes to how your baby is born, whether in a birthing room or in water, with or without drugs and so on, your role is simply to nod and agree. After all, it won’t be you doing the pushing.
Now’s the perfect time to find out if you'll be eligible for paternity leave and pay once your little one arrives.
Third trimester: weeks 28-40
Your partner will have a list of things she can no longer do at this stage, which may include flying (some airlines require a doctor’s letter after 28 weeks confirming she’s safe to fly) and certain forms of exercise. However, swimming can be quite a relief for expectant mums – time to dig out your trunks and hit the local leisure centre together?
This is a good time for expectant parents to decide on the items they’ll need when the baby arrives – a cot bed, a convertible pram-car-seat-baby-carrier, a lottery win?
Now your house has been overtaken by baby gear, working out how to set it all up is a decent way of whiling away the twilight hours, especially as the pair of you won’t be going out drinking or having much sex. Or head off to the park for a pregnancy photo shoot. This stage in the pregnancy is the best photo opportunity time: you’ll be able to capture her bump and your proud dad-to-be smile.
By week 36, the baby inside her will weigh around 2.5kg – the same as an average watermelon – so use this time to master your backrub technique.
Your local health authority will offer free NHS antenatal classes, including a session for ‘birthing partners’ (that’s you). These classes aren't just about the stages of labour and knowing your way around a nappy bag (though that's a valuable skill, trust me). They're your ticket to bonding with other soon-to-be dads over shared anxieties, dad jokes, and the occasional freak-out about impending fatherhood.
If you’re given a chance to visit the hospital birth centre as part of the antenatal sessions, take it. You’ll both get to see the facilities and meet some of the midwifery team – and as a bonus, you’ll discover the quickest route to the hospital and how much parking will cost you.
In the final weeks before the birth, your baby will be especially sensitive to light and noise outside the womb. The somersaults it’s been performing inside will reduce as it begins to move down into mum’s pelvis area, ready for birth. All this will manifest in your partner using phrases like ‘fed up’ and ‘wanting to get it over with’ a lot more.
Spend the final weeks before the birth rehearsing your role, checking that your partner’s hospital bag is packed, and panicking every time her name pops up on your incoming calls.
About Rob
Rob Kemp is the author of The Expectant Dad’s Survival Guide and The New Dad’s Survival Guide (Vermillion Books). He has written fatherhood features for The Telegraph, The Independent, Men’s Health and Mother & Baby magazines.
