Gentle parenting is massive on TikTok, but what is it, and are you up for it?
Do you lose your cool when your little one throws a tantrum or just won’t seem to listen? Don't worry, we’ve all been there! It can be frustrating to the point where we end up shouting or making empty threats, but deep down, we know that's not the best way to handle things. So, have you ever thought about giving gentle parenting a try? It could be the game-changer you've been looking for!
What is gentle parenting?
Gentle parenting is a compassionate approach that focuses on building a strong connection with your child and understanding their needs and feelings. The parent acts like a coach, staying calm in challenging situations, showing empathy, communicating kindly, and setting a positive example that helps little ones understand their emotions better. With gentle parenting skills, parents can empower their children to develop problem-solving skills as they grow older, boosting their self-confidence.
Mum of four Sarah Ockwell-Smith is the author of The Gentle Parenting Book and How to Be a Calm Parent. 'In my opinion, gentle parenting can be summed up with just four words,' she says. 'Empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries. All that harsh, authoritarian punishments and parenting through control and coercion do is cause far more problems further down the line.'
Mums who "gentle parent"
On TikTok, #gentleparenting is trending with 6 billion views. In her videos, creator LauraLove shows how she uses gentle parenting techniques to deal with challenging moments.
Laura chose gentle parenting because of her own tough childhood. 'I knew once I had kids, I wanted to give them everything I never had and protect them from the things I went through. I may not always be a perfect parent, but I try my best to make sure my boys know that they are safe and loved. I want them to know that their voice matters and that emotions are okay and normal!'
How gentle parent Kelly keeps her cool
When faced with a toddler meltdown after a stressful day, it can seem impossible to stay calm. Kelly Medina Enos has over 600k followers on TikTok and calls herself an "imperfect gentle parent". Mum to baby Ariella and son George, she says, 'Sometimes it's just better to say nothing when your emotions aren't regulated.'
'We were about to go out when George decided to trash his room, tip water on the floor and kick me. But we proceeded to pick up the mess together. After several minutes of silence, the room was tidy. George came up and hugged and kissed me. It was a beautiful moment.'
She adds, 'If ever you feel super overwhelmed by things they have done, take a minute and think… could this mess be cleared up? Does this affect our plans for today? Could it be a good teaching moment? If you're too overwhelmed to think like this… walk away, take a second for yourself to decompress.'
'Parenting is so hard but remember this, they will always love you and appreciate what you do for them, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it.'
You can find more of Kelly's gentle parenting wisdom here.
Kelly Medina Enos with her partner and son
Is there a downside to gentle parenting?
Some criticise the gentle parenting approach, claiming that it's too lenient and makes it hard to set rules, while others make fun of it. You may have seen the jokey videos where "gentle parents" struggle to keep cool while their children act like mini dictators. Internet personality Luke Hamnett has even created a hilarious (but very sweary) series on TikTok called "Gentle Parenting vs My Mum," which some of us may relate to!
Experts agree that gentle parenting isn't suitable for everyone. It can be challenging because it requires new techniques and a big investment of time and patience, but it could also lead to a happier family dynamic.
How to practise gentle parenting
Use words, not orders: Instead of commanding, try explaining. Rather than saying, 'Stop that!' try, 'I know you're upset. Let's talk about it.' However, with younger toddlers, it's better to redirect their attention or remove them from a situation rather than overexplain.
Name their emotions: Showing your toddler you hear, see, and understand them helps them cope with their "big feelings" and can even calm a meltdown. Tell them what emotion they are feeling and why: 'You're angry because you don't want to wear a coat. It's okay to feel angry.'
Set rules with care: You still need rules, but you can set them kindly. Instead of yelling: 'No more TV!', you can say, 'It's time to take a break. Let's play with toys for a bit.'
Stay calm, stay cool: Children learn from us. If we remain calm, they also learn how to handle their emotions.
Praise the good stuff: When they do something good, tell them you've noticed. Encouragement goes a long way.
Practise, practise, practise: This isn't a one-time thing. Keep trying. It's okay to mess up; keep at it.
Should I try gentle parenting?
Gentle parenting isn't a magical fix for all parenting challenges. It requires patience and kindness, even when things get tough. But you don't have to be perfect to try it out. Maybe it's worth a go?
